Talking to you is akin to the therapy that I have always needed to mend my chimerical chamber of imagination. It is therapeutic in a way that no word can truly explain how it feels. Everytime we talk, I could never look you in your eyes and yet, my heart never skip a beat.
I am shy, in front of you, yet I have always longed for your attention. Your smile never cease to mitigate the sorrow in my heart. Every morning, I check my notification, just to see if you are there, replying my messages. Every night, I keep dragging our conversation, just so that we can stay in touch for a little longer.
You said to me, “I want to talk to you everyday.” You have no idea how ecstatic I was at that moment. Even though you didn’t feel like talking, my desperate self will find a way to start a conversation with you. When you kept silent and did not reply, I wondered, were you depressed? I feel so obligated to make you happy that it hurts, so why aren’t you happy?
On that day, I really wanted the photo of us during our graduation day to be posted as my display picture but I was scared, to be exposed. During our outings, I even rejected my friend’s offer just so that I could sit beside you in the theater, staring at your smile and your cute face when you were terrified. I faked that I needed to hold someone’s hand during moments of jump scare, just so that I have an excuse to hold your hand.
I know this is a one-sided admiration that will never bloom any time in the future, since you are in love and just treating me merely as your best friend. I hope that you find happiness in the current state of yours while I can only sit at the corner, dreaming to ever meet a guy who mirrors you. You allowed me to feel a whole new sensation that I was never familiar with.
It is not love, nor is it a feeling of falling for you. Is it?
Often enough, I always find myself drifting amid the stream of knowledge and wisdom where there is seemingly endless horizon, yet my movement is perpetually confined and my thoughts are always feathering into tributaries but will never coalesce. Emergence of a brilliant idea, most often than not, will be eclipsed by a series of mental discourse and deliberation. Hence, I am afraid to write. Afraid that my idiosyncratic creation will be perceived merely as a kitsch. Afraid that my perception and presentation do not appeal to the mass. But mostly, I am afraid of being judged.
It has been months ever since I held my pencil akin to a mighty sword, devoting my soul into the sanctified paradise of writing. I cherish those memories. The exhilaration and contentment of extracting a masterpiece from your chamber of cerebration and imagination never seize to fulfill my draining satisfaction. However, as my mind begins to fill with void, there is a colossal edifice that halts my propagation. It prevents access to my chimerical imagination and artistry. Eventually, holding a pencil no longer emanates surging vitality and electrifying experience but more so becomes a heavy burden strapped onto my shoulders.
I am stranded in this bleak darkness. However, with the motivations and inspirations bestowed upon me, I believe I will gradually garner the strength to escape from this predicament. This is the first approach that I have taken towards the realm of light. I know for a fact that I must now disregard the time albatross and write as I please, write till I discover my purpose and finally, write till I’m able to reach the horizon of the endless stream.
I have lost my vision in writing
As my pen abdicated its reign in dancing
Once was graceful
Now it’s painful
It’s no longer a haven of fun
Much more a cesspool of stress
I sob myself to sleep
Knowing I will never be good at writing
My heart was pounding hard on the thought of reuniting with my beloved buddies as I stepped both of my foots on the ground on the entrance of my school. The feeling is a mixture between exhilaration and excitement. “It’s going to be a great year,” I thought. Little did I know that my current state is utterly opposing that particularly naïve claim.
“Open your additional mathematics textbook and turn to page 54, circle a, b, c, d, e ,f. Then, turn to page 56 and circle b, d, e, f. That’s it for your homework!” My face immediately slammed on the rock hard table. “Wait, before I leave, you all have to hand in your books tomorrow! Otherwise….” she glared at us through her classic oval-framed glasses upon finishing her speech and the bell chimed afterwards. I gazed in awe, at the pile of homework stacking perfectly in front of me, awaiting me to shove it down my bag. Did I forget to state that it was just the 3rd week of school reopening.
Life gets harder, we have always heard of this phrase, but do we actually know what it means by harder? No, because it’s entirely subjective. Personally, I can totally relate to the phrase. From the mountain-like pile of homework and the increasing difficulty of theories and formulas, I started to find it hard to assimilate what teacher is trying to convey via the whiteboard. It gets worse when it comes to exam. Before this I had only six subjects in exam, but now I have 10!
the year where incidents occurred frequently,
we played hide and seek with plights repeatedly,
afraid of being caught into the cesspool of death,
we fought till the end of our breath,
to protect the loved ones and the rest.
the year where calamities restricted happiness,
caused humans to live under the roof of emptiness,
only tears of loss filled up the ocean,
when there are no vials of potion,
to rescue the unfortunate humans.
was just another year,
where we start to contemplate the roots of our tears,
when it all revolves around us,
the wrongdoing of humans,
to the nature surrounding us. -The Gaga Tan
*Sorry for the lack of updates 😦 Hope you like it 😀 I would love to receive feedback from you guys :D*
The fire alarm constantly chimed in an ear-piercing tone that vibrated my eardrums vigorously, causing my brain to suffer from sudden dismay. Agonizing and sorrowful cries were heard throughout the neighborhood. The ebony smoke and its aroma, which I despise with a passion, spread and polluted the fresh air. At that particularly nerve-wracking moment, I was shivering and trembling in the darkness as my ears detected the noise of fright. When I stared through the window, image of tongues of fire licking the ceiling as though it was licking its lips, hungry for human lives, formed in my retina. My parents darted into my room and ushered me out immediately in fear that I will become the victim of the fire.
When we were out of the apartment, chaos appeared out of nowhere. Tears from the eyes of the victims’ parents could possibly flood the scene. Fire brigades were busy extinguishing the fire, people were scurrying out of the apartment covered with a fire-proof blanket, paramedics were alleviating victims’ injuries. “Hydro pump” shot in high pressure towards the monstrous inferno in hope to obliterate it. The blazing fire mercilessly replied by billowing thick smoke across the light blue sky.
The traffic was extremely sluggish as people were all flummoxed of the situation and tried to observe and assimilate what was happening. The street became busier upon the arrival of the journalists. A group of cameramen brought their enormously high-tech cameras as they clustered to the fence that was set up by the fire brigades followed by bystanders who were “keen” photographers. Flashes and flashes of their cameras made me lost faith in humanity, instead of lending a helping hand, they were technically gloating at the incident by taking photographs in hope to get it viral on the internet. As the fire slowly released its grip on the building, there was an obviously large dark spot, which strongly contrasted the colour of the apartment, light beige. The traffic returned to its original state as the people went about their chores, left only several people broke down on the side way as grievance to their loss. As we made our ways to our once lovely home, I was left open-mouthed… *Sorry for the late update. As you’ve seen, I’ve lost contact with my routine that I planned to keep up with. Procrastination demon got into me 😦 ……. Will update more often in the future! *Finger-crossed* Until then, BYEEEE!!