Exuberance and excitement channelled through me as the thought of getting back to the academic track has finally become a reality. I strode along the hallway of the college, displaying confidence externally; internally however, I felt extremely lost. It was as if I were relocated to a peregrine land, with just a few resources lying around, no friend or family. Nevertheless, to build my empire, I had to start somewhere which is none other than what introverts with severely damaged self-esteem despise the most, making new friends.
Personally, getting to know a stranger is perhaps the most tedious and excruciating process ever. Hence why I always have the proclivity to avoid stranger at all cost as there are only two possible immediate outcomes: If you are lucky, you get to keep the conversation going without much awkward silence that makes you constantly questioning yourself “WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I ASK?!” Otherwise, you might sit silently or even attempt to struck an unenthusiastic conversation knowing that both of you share no common interest what so ever. Maybe that is just my pessimistic view on socialising in general.
So, moving along with time, I gradually garnered enough strength to mingle with my classmates which consist of mostly alpha men who utterly contrasted with my high school friends in terms of personality and confidence. Talking to them was a rather difficult task, especially for someone who is not sporty and does not like anything that a guy is “supposed” to like, including the opposite gender. Therefore, sometimes when they are having a manly discussion, I’ll just sit at a corner nodding at every word they say, portraying this masculine persona as if I understand what are they chatting about. Despite doing so, I guess my horrendous acting skill (which disqualified me as an actor in a high school drama competition) was so obvious that one of my friend ended up questioning my abrupt change of behaviour when I was surrounded by them.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, the girls in my class however, are very friendly and easy to get along with. (or maybe I tend to mingle with girls more often as I find them more relatable) I befriended with these few girls who are very cool, gossipy and frankly quite opinionated. Nevertheless, everything changed when the alpha males nation attacked. They started spreading rumours about how I admired one of the girls, to the extend that we now find it extremely awkward to even converse or have any sort of physical interaction. I can’t really blame them for spreading said rumour as I was the one guilty for spearheading it. (I accidentally called her out when the teacher asked to choose a person “who I admire the most” and that the last 5 words didn’t really register into my mind when I was considering for the eligible nominations) It was humiliating to say the least.
And that basically summed up the first chapter of my college life. It’s exciting for sure, but I have no idea what underlying obstacles awaiting me as I continue to propel further on this path.